I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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