Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
