mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize