he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
