Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
