all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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