Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
