i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
