What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
