If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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