just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
