Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
