You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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