I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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