I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
