just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
