Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
