He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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