My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my liver is dry heaving
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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