my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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