Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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