Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
