piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
