I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who died my cat blue again?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
