so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
