Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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