I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
