Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
