SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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