Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
