____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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