didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
