You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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