i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize