Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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