and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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