Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
