the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
