I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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