I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
