You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
