He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
