let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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