I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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