you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
