but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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