so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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