Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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