Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
