I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
