alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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