id be glad to
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize