I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
