Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize