two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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