I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
