I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
