It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
