dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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