omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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