what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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