what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
