how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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