I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We talked him into tasing himself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
