Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
