life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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