Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize