never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So apparently I’m into choking now
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