I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
