Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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