I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
