All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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