So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
