we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
