i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
