That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
