the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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