What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
