What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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