So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
