omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
